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Joining The Worldwide WebNow you can peruse all offerings from The Grief Program on the Internet. For those who are unable to attend the programs at our home offices in Santa Clarita, we offer information on our correspondence course, intensive programs and written materials.
The Pain of Loss: Surviving Tragedy, Rediscovering Joy Thirteen years ago my two children died in a tragic auto accident while on vacation in England. It was more horrifying than you can imagine. I quickly discovered it didn’t matter what I knew, who I knew or how much money I made, I was utterly helpless. I didn’t know where to turn, so I went on missions to feel good to escape the painful devastation. But my personal life spiraled down with the loss of my marriage, loss of my career and loss of health. I came to the point where I had to recover or die. Then I started my grief work. Maybe you have experienced a death or divorce or another type of loss recently. Were you caught unprepared? Most of us simply are not taught how to handle loss, must less move beyond it. Friends, family and others aren’t prepared either to advise us on how to cope with the confusion, overwhelm, agony and aloneness that accompany grief. Of course, people mean well when they try to help us, but they just don’t have the right tools. It’s as if our task is to mow the lawn, but we’re handed scissors and a paint brush. They’re the wrong tools for the job. So what do we do? We fake it. We act like everything’s all right and put on our go-to-work face. Some may admit to carrying grief and unresolved issues but may be afraid to tackle them. “I know I have a lot of stuff inside,” one woman said recently. “But if I get in there, who knows what I’ll find? Better to let sleeping dogs lie!” Legacy of Love, Not Pain What I found was a way to say good-bye to the pain, isolation and loneliness of unfinished emotional business with my two children. I no longer found myself stuck in wishing things had been different, better or more. Now I cherish their fond memories because they both left a legacy of love, not pain. Are you suffering from unresolved or suppressed negative emotions you thought you had taken care of – feelings you thought were dead in you? In an effort to cope with the pain of unresolved loss, many people embark on missions to feel good. Some lose themselves in religious experience. Some people drown themselves in others’ problems, some drown themselves in alcohol. Some stay so busy they don’t have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, sex or food to stop our pain. Maybe we open the freezer door and start a relationship with ice cream. Compulsive buying or overspending are notorious short-term pain relievers. All offer only temporary pain relief. Like a rubber band, it snaps back. We can continue to stuff the feelings, shove them away or numb ourselves until the losses in our lives become an ever-growing weight we carry around with us. And we wonder why life isn’t the happy, joy-filled experience we had always envisioned. I think of all the people who have been through The Grief Program. So many have stuffed the pain over the years. Maybe it’s a sad movie or listening to a friend’s battle with cancer, and slowly you feel your throat tighten. Your feelings bubble to the surface and get lodged there. Many of us push those feelings right back down. “C’mon, heart, be still!” This buried pain is very real, has energy and doesn’t go away on its own. Unresolved grief affects you negatively, sooner or later. It will make itself known when you least expect it. Maybe your reactions are disproportionate, maybe your emotional, mental or physical well-being has suffered. Recovery starts by being able to freely express all the thoughts and emotions connected with loss. Maybe it’s regret, which is often associated with loss, or grieving the loss of unrealized hopes, dreams and expectations. If you are tired of temporary pain relief, tired of quenching in, and want to expand your life and relationships, The Grief Program provides a step-by-step method for finishing unfinished emotional business and moving beyond loss. It provides the correct tools we’re all looking for. You will then cherish fond memories of loved ones, living or not living. You can say good-bye to regret, age-old hurts and current conflicts.
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