Click here to add text.
Job Loss Can Be a Major Grief Event
For Inside SCV
August 2008
How will I pay my bills? Will I ever find work again? Shock, anxiety, fear, doubt, worry, confusion—these are just some of the normal and natural feelings after the loss of a job,
layoff or end of a career.
layoff or end of a career.
You might call it grief, which is any change in a familiar pattern or behavior, certainly true after the loss of an income stream. “It’s the reaching out for the familiar, the reliable, only to find it’s gone,” according to Jeff Zhorne, director of The Grief Program of Santa Clarita.
He said the average person will encounter 42 potential loss experiences, ranging from loss
of job and loss of health to death and divorce. “If these losses are not resolved
appropriately, pain and melancholy begin to eat away at our mental and physical health
and the lives of those around us,” Zhorne said.
of job and loss of health to death and divorce. “If these losses are not resolved
appropriately, pain and melancholy begin to eat away at our mental and physical health
and the lives of those around us,” Zhorne said.
“In our work with people coping with loss, one thing is clear: Unresolved grief stems from unexpressed communications of an emotional nature,” Zhorne stated. The Phoenix Society reported in 2004 that “unresolved and unprocessed trauma and loss negatively affect the
ability to be happy, intimate, trusting and spontaneous in life.” Yet instead of working through grief events such as job loss, many people try to bury their pain or numb
themselves with drugs, sex, alcohol or other short-term pain relievers.
themselves with drugs, sex, alcohol or other short-term pain relievers.
Zhorne said loss of career along with death, divorce and other losses catch most people totally unprepared. “Most of us simply are not trained how to handle loss,” he pointed out.
“We’re taught to acquire stuff, not what to do when we lose anything.”
“We’re taught to acquire stuff, not what to do when we lose anything.”
Many people as children were given no skills or tools on how to cope with painful
emotions. So people who suffer various losses including job loss wind up faking it and
acting like everything is all right.
emotions. So people who suffer various losses including job loss wind up faking it and
acting like everything is all right.
“We put on our happy face because society gives you about three days to grieve and you’d better be back to work on the fourth day! Later, you hear things like, ‘It’s been a year,
aren’t you over it by now?’”
aren’t you over it by now?’”
Zhorne added that one of the greatest myths to recovery is Just give it time. “I ask people
who have experienced a loss more than 25 years ago. ‘If it just takes time were true,
wouldn’t 25 years be enough?’ And, of course, it’s not.”
who have experienced a loss more than 25 years ago. ‘If it just takes time were true,
wouldn’t 25 years be enough?’ And, of course, it’s not.”
He likens this myth to having a flat tire and waiting for air to come into the tire all by
itself, with no one having called a tow truck or gotten out a jack to repair it.
itself, with no one having called a tow truck or gotten out a jack to repair it.
According to Zhorne, the buried pain of unresolved loss is very real, has energy and
doesn’t go away on its own. “Unresolved grief affects you negatively, sooner or later,” he
doesn’t go away on its own. “Unresolved grief affects you negatively, sooner or later,” he
said, adding that it will make itself known when you least expect it. Reactions become disproportionate to circumstances, and emotional, mental and physical well-being suffers.
One of the most common symptoms of unresolved grief issues is isolation. “People get
tired of hearing about our pain, so we stay home, pop in a DVD and order out so we
don’t have to see anybody.” Meanwhile, our physical and financial health continues to deteriorate.
tired of hearing about our pain, so we stay home, pop in a DVD and order out so we
don’t have to see anybody.” Meanwhile, our physical and financial health continues to deteriorate.
Zhorne continued: “From earliest childhood we learn to hide our feelings and bury them. Feelings are not OK out there, so we look for relief through distractions.” Zhorne
recommends that those who are tired of temporary pain relief, tired of quenching in, and
want to expand their lives and relationships, contact The Grief Program, which provides a step-by-step method for completing incomplete loss issues and moving beyond
to a fuller life. (Continue to next page)
to a fuller life. (Continue to next page)
For the past 15 years, Jeff Zhorne, Grief Counselor and bereavement specialist, has offered group workshops and personalized counseling for those suffering the pain of loss. Call The Grief Program
at 661-733-0692.
at 661-733-0692.
"The only emotion that can hurt you
is the one you don't acknowledge."
