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"The only emotion that can hurt you is the one you don't acknowledge."

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last page push those feelings right back down. “C’mon, heart, be still!”

"This buried pain is very real, has energy and doesn’t go away on its own,” Zhorne said. Unresolved grief affects us negatively, sooner or later. “It will make itself known when you least expect it.” Reactions become disproportionate; our emotional, mental and
physical well-being suffers.

Moving out of fear and isolation

Zhorne said most people realize the need to resolve past loss issues and finish unfinished emotional business. “But you rarely hear how to actually do that,” he remarked. “How do

we move out of fear and isolation? How do we end the pain?”

After the deaths of his two children in an auto accident, Zhorne found himself stuck in wishing things had been different and regretting not spending more time with them. The

pain, isolation and loneliness were unbearable.

He even reached the point of not wanting to be reminded of his children. “But I next page

didn’t have that choice,” he recounted. “Thanks to grief recovery, I was able to finish what was so I could begin to live with what is.”

The more completion work he did, the fewer things were left unfinished, and the more he began to cherish fond memories of his children, Jeremy and Amelia. “They both left a
legacy of love, not pain. I started to remember them for the way they lived, not the way
they died,” he explained.

After much education and training, and by sheer providence, Zhorne made some incredible discoveries about himself and the process of emotional healing. The result is The Grief Program. Its mission: to help hurting people complete relationships that have ended or changed because of death or divorce. Today, as a Certified Grief Counselor, his practice is centered in Santa Clarita.

Loss of hopes and dreams

Zhorne said recovery starts by being able to freely express all the thoughts and emotions connected with loss. Maybe it’s regret, or grieving the loss of unrealized hopes and broken dreams.

“If you are tired of temporary pain relief, tired of quenching in, and want to expand your
life and relationships, learn to finish unfinished emotional business and move beyond loss,” said Zhorne. With the correct tools we can cherish fond memories of our loved ones. Sad memories won’t hurt us anymore.

Finally, he pointed to steps for getting through the holidays:

1. Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Surrounding grief are many myths such as
bury your feelings, grieve alone, just give it time, act like everything is OK. The truth is,

pain is real and it hurts. Emotions are part of a normal grief response. You will work

through emotions more quickly and easily if you allow them.

2. Tell the truth about yourself. Let people know if you're having a tough day.

3. Choose invitations to be with close family or friends that sound the most appealing and avoid the ones that feel more like obligation.

4. Share your favorite stories over dinner, make a toast or light a candle in remembrance.

5. Don't expect to go through defined stages of grief. Every person is different and every relationship is unique.

6. If you have lost a loved one and can get to the cemetery, it’s OK to tell him or her how
you feel. You don’t need a response. You need to let it out.

7. No one can recover alone, and the pain won’t go away by itself. We need people. Instead
of reaching for a cocktail, reach for the phone. Get support. Call a grief counselor. next page

"Those who refuse to grieve get stuck in melancholy."